Worst BBQ Ever

so me and josh went over to kyle's today for what he proclaimed as a barbeque. turns out it was his parents' party, and we didn't get anything to eat. all we did was sit in his basement for an hour, play some ps2, and watch tv. wow. boring, just boring.

anyway, memorial day weekend has come and gone, and not too much has happened. i forgot to get a phone card today, so i haven't talked to liza in what feels like ages. needless to say, i miss her a lot. i need to get a card soon. i miss hearing her voice, as annoying as she may think it sounds. i love it.

oh yeah, we got a 'new' car over the weekend, a 1997 Chrysler Sebring Coupe. For being seven years old, it's looking really good and has only 30000 miles on it. what a steal. i hope i can keep this one, but if not, dad will get it. as long as my greasy handed brother doesn't, i'm happy.

still working out 6 days a week, going on my third week now. i'm noticing some gains, nothing too much though, just a lot more toning, which isn't necessarily a bad thing. i'd like to get a little bit bigger, but it seems the only way to do that is to take supplements, which i'm not at all a fan of. i don't care if it's safe or not, i just see it as cheating myself, and i'm not about to do that.

Uh Oh or Uh Huh? (I don't even know anymore)

Feeling:good
Song:if it was cool~brian mcknight

so here i am, sitting at work while the stupid system backs up. it's probably about another 20 minutes away from finishing, and then i can actually leave, early for once. that means i can catch the first half of the pistons game, so i'm doubly excited.

anyway, lately, my mom has been trying to find out about liza as much as she can. she knows that we like each other, most likely that i like her a lot. when she said we weren't going to be going to Andrew's first communion party, my heart dropped and i was in a bad mood for the next couple of days. but then i woke up this morning, and she said, "we'll go." simple as that i guess. now there's just gonna be more pressure. fantastic. i won't even be able to talk to liza without getting 'the eye' that all mothers are known for. scares the hell outta me.

i hadn't talked to liza in a couple days, last time being when she called me and told me she got the job at fairweather. she called last nite, but it was kinda bad timing seeing as how i was taking my contacts out and we had family friends from boston over. i'll call her tonite after the game, or maybe even at the half. hearing her voice last nite made me feel a lot better.

i had a ridiculous amount of energy this morning, and i want more. i went to the summit with josh at 10, played basketball for an hour, then worked out with kyle for another hour or so. mostly upper body stuff, still hasn't hit me, maybe i'm getting used to it. i was supposed to get a ride from kyle to go pick up my dad's car at his friend's house, but forgot to leave with him and instead did situps. dammit. so i ended up running 2.5 miles to jeff's house, .5 miles more than i should have since i forgot where in the neighborhood his damn house was. oh well.

and finally, we (i) got a new car yesterday, well new to me at least. it's a 1997 sebring coupe, really nice. strong 2.5L v6 on it too, i'm a fan. hopefully i get this car, but if not, then dad should get it. i feel bad for the guy, he's never really had a nice car his whole life. he bought the stratus new, then gave it to me for my 18th birthday, and bought the prism. now my brother has the stratus, i drive the prism to work, and dad carpools with jeff. i feel terrible. as long as my brother gets the prism, i'm good. that's how the chain of command works. in my opinion.

liza got a j-o-b

Feeling:can't complain
Song:if it was cool~brian mcknight

that's right, this is my journal and i'm writing about liza getting a job at fairweather, a canadian clothing store. of course, i'm ridiculously happy for her, since she'll finally be able to get out of the house and make some money. as long as we can keep talking, you're not gonna hear any complaints out of me.

she did say i was the first person she called with the good news today, so i was quite honored with that. sometimes i wonder whether her love for me is as strong as mine is for her (complete insecurity at times), but then she calls me first, or leaves an "i love you" on my voicemail, and that feeling just vanishes. i'm such a crazy sap.

i bought another phone card yesterday, and i can honestly say i've spent at least $75 on phone cards. best 75 bucks i've ever spent. here's to a great rest of the week, a few more days closer to june 19, some good weather, and just enjoying the summer.

Strike 3?

Feeling:
Song:

So the count's 0-2 now, strike 2 was my mom finding out that liza's my princess. oopsies. really, i don't care, because it's all gonna come out sooner or later, better it happen in bits and pieces than all at once. honestly though, i'm a little scared of what strike 3 might be. hope i don't find out.

What One Night Can Do

Feeling:happy and sad
Song:lifehouse~take me away

On Saturday night i managed to fall in love with her all over again. as soon as she disappeared from my sight i started missing her. with every mile that passed driving away from toronto, i missed her more. all i listened to on the drive home was brian mcknight, since every song of his somehow tied to us. when we hugged, i felt complete, and i wanted to stay in that hug forever. i should stop talking, i'm such a hopeless romantic. just one more month until i see her again.

Wow

I'm so in love it's not even remotely funny.

Finally

Feeling:happy/depressed/a little surprised
Song:white ladder~david gray

Well, the day finally came, i am done with freshman year, provided i passed all my classes. knock on wood, dammit. anyway, i'm still up while will sleeps away, there's a bit too much on my mind right now. of course, a lot of it has to do with liza, but what else is new, right? it really kind of bothered me that she thinks she's not good enough for me. I wouldn't take her any other way, and her being the way she is is why i love her so much. a lot of the guys who have heard about liza have told me that there's no way i'm going to be able to stay committed to something "that might not even work out" 3 years from now. but i'm dedicated enough to her and to our relationship. i don't care what changes, liza will always hold a special place in my heart, and that will never change. I will never stop loving her, and i don't know how else to tell her that without actually coming out and saying it. i mean every word. if you told me i could never talk to liza again, i'd break down and cry to no end. and not like manly crying, i'm talking full out sobbing like a girl whose cat got run over. it's 3:30, and i'm gettin even more depressed just thinking about it. Good nite.

Ideally?

Feeling:pensive
Song:automatic stop~the strokes

Ideally, here's how I'd like the next 3-4 years to go:

• Start with this summer- make a good amount of money, spend time with the guys, work out, try and get bigger, see if i can visit toronto at least once.


• Sophomore Year- get my gpa up, start focusing on what's really in front of me, still have fun


• Junior Year- either stay at state if grades don't improve, or transfer to UM Ann Arbor and their college of engineering. get an internship or some kind of job related to mechanical engineering.


• Senior Year (2006-07)- after taking classes during summer, see if i have enough to graduate a semester early. if not, definitely finish in 4 years with honors.


• either start working immediately or take a little break and...


• Go to montreal and see what has happened and what will happen.

In reality, here's how the next few years will more than likely go:
I'll graduate from state with my BS in mechanical engineering, probably get a job at one of the auto companies, continue to wait for her and hope it all works out, and find out that it doesn't. Just a weird, eerie feeling i have, as much as i don't want that to happen. Not much i can do about it, i'll just have to find a way to deal.

Liza likes Onions On Her Grilled Cheese

Feeling:great/stressed
Song:its all understood~jack johnson

well this past week has been a busy one. actually, not really, just a lot of running around, a little studying, some basketball, and a lot of phone time with my princess. last night she called around 2, just as i got up from an accidental 3 minute nap, and we talked until 5. i'm working on about 5 hours of sleep now.

liza always says that we don't have to talk about anything, just knowing i'm on the other end of the line is all she needs. at first i didn't get it, because i'm a pretty social guy, so no talking is kinda hard to deal with. but now i know what she means- last nite there were more than a few long periods of silence, but it was the most comfortable i've felt in a long while. it would be an awkward silence if you didn't know the other person too well, but with us it's just different. if i could fall asleep with the phone next to me and wake up with her still on the other end, it'd be almost as good as actually waking up next to her. 2 more weeks until i see her. i don't know how i'm going to be able to keep myself from staring at her, but i'm going to have to find a casual way to act around her and the rest of the people. should be interesting.

this is my last weekend at state- i should be studying today and tomorrow, but i really can't bring myself to, and i don't know why. it's not like i have anything better to do, i just think i've been burned out and ready to start the summer for a while now. too bad the summer means one class at the community college. on the plus side, i'll be hanging out with josh and andy, making a bit of money hopefully. not from them--ok bizarre, my aunt just called me and said i have a job for the summer at her office. what a strange coincidence. but anyways...regardless i am looking forward to the summer. 4 more days...