3hird Year Has Officially Begun

My first post of my Third Year can be found at http://3hirdyear.blogspot.com. Hope you enjoy yourself as much as I hope to enjoy my junior year.

Don't know why

In case you were reading this blog, I decided to skip out on doing one sophomore year, because simply put, nothing much has happened since last May. I'll more than likely do a third year blog, so stay tuned.

I'm Done

If you don't realize it by now, i'm done with this page. so don't even bother checking it out anymore. later.

So I'm watching Big Fish with the parents, and my phone vibrates- somehow I have a voice message but didn't get a call from anyone. Thanks AT&T, I really appreciate it. Even before I pull the phone out of my pocket, I knew it was Liza. I just knew it. I listened to the voice mail, then went outside to get my books from the car, and called her from there.

It just so turns out she's going to be in Michigan for the whole week. My eyebrows jumped at hearing this, I was incredibly happy all over again. Instantly I started planning in my mind how I'd be able to go see her. Let's see, she's in Troy, an hour away I could see her after work if she met me somewhere near there we could go see a movie or grab a bite to eat something anything I need to see her I miss her. My mind was racing, pouring over the endless possibilities I was coming up with it. I know I'll see her on Saturday for sure, but at a family party. I need to see her in a more intimate setting, someplace where I can just look in her eyes and tell her how much I've missed her, without worrying about whose eyes are looking in my direction. I can only hope this week works out to my favor.

damn damn damn

Feeling:sad
Song:the drugs don't work~the verve

***cliché alert*** seeing liza today was a breath of fresh air. it's a damn shame that the breath only last a couple hours. my parents ate dinner fast and before i knew it i was driving down 275 south, headed back home, angry out of my mind that i couldn't see her anymore. i even thought in my mind that i could drive back to troy, but being an hour long drive and tired as hell already and not sure of the directions, i couldn't. i wish i could've at least given her the earrings, but i didn't have any time to finish dinner, much less do that- i ended up giving it to jason, but god knows if he did it in front of paul or anyone else, like the jackass he is. i miss her so much already. i didn't even get to say i love you. i left by saying good nite, that was it. how depressing. my dad's a bastard, and yes it's now father's day. i never thought he would be the one to shut me down, i always thought it would be mom, but alas, mom tried to help me out a bit, she's the one that wanted to know more about liza, the one that likes liza a lot.

i'm going to that wedding in toronto, even if i can't see her, at least i'll be in the same area as her. i can at least hope we'll hang out. that would be amazing. it'd make me just happy beyond sin.

yeah, i know

ok i just realized something- all this frustration couldn't possibly be from tonite, from liza calling me a drama queen, there's gotta be more. i think it's mostly my parents trying to shut me down and keep me their little boy forever. my mom keeps telling me to study, work hard, and pray, so often that it's making no sense to me anymore. dad doesn't want me to have anything to do with girls right now, period. i cant believe that. and there's yet another issue. my dad and i will never have the relationship that other sons have with their fathers. playing baseball, talking about girls, working with each other, just talking. i can't remember the last time my dad and i actually talked heart to heart, it's always been him scolding me if anything.

of course, i'm lucky to have a father, and i know a lot of people are much worse off than me, but i haven't experienced that so this is my worst. i just wish me and him had a more regular relationship than we do now.

drama queen

Feeling:angry/sad/angry/depressed/angry

go figure, the nite i'm really angry and my laptop freezes up, so now i'm typing on the cell phone and will post this later. i was tired, but now i'm wide awake. my heart and mind are heavy, all because of how we ended tonite. i hate this feeling- if there were a punching bag in front of me, i'd demolish it and still be angry. i'm even debating whether or not i even wanna go to the party on saturday. can you tell how angry i am? i'm so angry i'd give up seeing the girl of my dreams. if we get this resolved before saturday, i i still won't be myself. i'm just gonna stay quiet the whole time, just be respectful and stay away from the little kids. i need to try and sleep.

whoops

i forgot what i really wanted to say. i know it's obviously not true, but i can't help but feel like liza's using me to get these earrings she wants. i mean, they're not even that expensive, but seeing as how she talks to me about the earrings and then hasn't talked to me since makes me feel a little odd. i needed to get that off my chest.

do i deserve this?

Feeling:wish i knew
Song:not enough~our lady peace

yeah yeah, i'm sure i'm makin a big deal out of nothing. liza said she'd call on saturday, but didn't. so she's busy, whatever, she could've at least emailed/called or done something to let me know. i think my problem is i care too much. i need to be more laid back and stop wondering if liza's thinking about me when i'm thinking about her. i'm too sensitive, so it's time to toughen up. if she doesn't feel like talking for one reason or another, then that's fine. i don't need to talk.

i'm supposed to see her at andrew's first communion party this saturday, but the longer i go without talking to her, the more i really don't feel like going. i won't be able to have as much freedom as i had in toronto since my parents and brother will be there. as much as i love her, i've gotta distance myself from her, otherwise it'll be a difficult next 3 years.

ha. ha.

Feeling:pretty damn fine
Song:ghettomusick~outkast

so yeah, that grad party was ridiculously boring. jenny still doesn't know my name. i didn't feel like i belonged at the restaurant last nite. bought some dress shirts today, very nice. snl was funny. i wanna take pictures of random stuff. i think i found some earrings. good nite.

damn

Feeling:hot
Song:it's really hot

so muggy, so hot. why so hot? i'm kinda agitated, on account of it being hot. i don't even know why i'm writing in this journal, i'm done with freshman year. time to start a new one? maybe. one things's for sure, it's hot. capital H-O-T hot.

I'm In A Picture Taking Mood

one of the best pics my brother's taken. in my opinion.

Worst BBQ Ever

so me and josh went over to kyle's today for what he proclaimed as a barbeque. turns out it was his parents' party, and we didn't get anything to eat. all we did was sit in his basement for an hour, play some ps2, and watch tv. wow. boring, just boring.

anyway, memorial day weekend has come and gone, and not too much has happened. i forgot to get a phone card today, so i haven't talked to liza in what feels like ages. needless to say, i miss her a lot. i need to get a card soon. i miss hearing her voice, as annoying as she may think it sounds. i love it.

oh yeah, we got a 'new' car over the weekend, a 1997 Chrysler Sebring Coupe. For being seven years old, it's looking really good and has only 30000 miles on it. what a steal. i hope i can keep this one, but if not, dad will get it. as long as my greasy handed brother doesn't, i'm happy.

still working out 6 days a week, going on my third week now. i'm noticing some gains, nothing too much though, just a lot more toning, which isn't necessarily a bad thing. i'd like to get a little bit bigger, but it seems the only way to do that is to take supplements, which i'm not at all a fan of. i don't care if it's safe or not, i just see it as cheating myself, and i'm not about to do that.

Uh Oh or Uh Huh? (I don't even know anymore)

Feeling:good
Song:if it was cool~brian mcknight

so here i am, sitting at work while the stupid system backs up. it's probably about another 20 minutes away from finishing, and then i can actually leave, early for once. that means i can catch the first half of the pistons game, so i'm doubly excited.

anyway, lately, my mom has been trying to find out about liza as much as she can. she knows that we like each other, most likely that i like her a lot. when she said we weren't going to be going to Andrew's first communion party, my heart dropped and i was in a bad mood for the next couple of days. but then i woke up this morning, and she said, "we'll go." simple as that i guess. now there's just gonna be more pressure. fantastic. i won't even be able to talk to liza without getting 'the eye' that all mothers are known for. scares the hell outta me.

i hadn't talked to liza in a couple days, last time being when she called me and told me she got the job at fairweather. she called last nite, but it was kinda bad timing seeing as how i was taking my contacts out and we had family friends from boston over. i'll call her tonite after the game, or maybe even at the half. hearing her voice last nite made me feel a lot better.

i had a ridiculous amount of energy this morning, and i want more. i went to the summit with josh at 10, played basketball for an hour, then worked out with kyle for another hour or so. mostly upper body stuff, still hasn't hit me, maybe i'm getting used to it. i was supposed to get a ride from kyle to go pick up my dad's car at his friend's house, but forgot to leave with him and instead did situps. dammit. so i ended up running 2.5 miles to jeff's house, .5 miles more than i should have since i forgot where in the neighborhood his damn house was. oh well.

and finally, we (i) got a new car yesterday, well new to me at least. it's a 1997 sebring coupe, really nice. strong 2.5L v6 on it too, i'm a fan. hopefully i get this car, but if not, then dad should get it. i feel bad for the guy, he's never really had a nice car his whole life. he bought the stratus new, then gave it to me for my 18th birthday, and bought the prism. now my brother has the stratus, i drive the prism to work, and dad carpools with jeff. i feel terrible. as long as my brother gets the prism, i'm good. that's how the chain of command works. in my opinion.

liza got a j-o-b

Feeling:can't complain
Song:if it was cool~brian mcknight

that's right, this is my journal and i'm writing about liza getting a job at fairweather, a canadian clothing store. of course, i'm ridiculously happy for her, since she'll finally be able to get out of the house and make some money. as long as we can keep talking, you're not gonna hear any complaints out of me.

she did say i was the first person she called with the good news today, so i was quite honored with that. sometimes i wonder whether her love for me is as strong as mine is for her (complete insecurity at times), but then she calls me first, or leaves an "i love you" on my voicemail, and that feeling just vanishes. i'm such a crazy sap.

i bought another phone card yesterday, and i can honestly say i've spent at least $75 on phone cards. best 75 bucks i've ever spent. here's to a great rest of the week, a few more days closer to june 19, some good weather, and just enjoying the summer.

Strike 3?

Feeling:
Song:

So the count's 0-2 now, strike 2 was my mom finding out that liza's my princess. oopsies. really, i don't care, because it's all gonna come out sooner or later, better it happen in bits and pieces than all at once. honestly though, i'm a little scared of what strike 3 might be. hope i don't find out.

What One Night Can Do

Feeling:happy and sad
Song:lifehouse~take me away

On Saturday night i managed to fall in love with her all over again. as soon as she disappeared from my sight i started missing her. with every mile that passed driving away from toronto, i missed her more. all i listened to on the drive home was brian mcknight, since every song of his somehow tied to us. when we hugged, i felt complete, and i wanted to stay in that hug forever. i should stop talking, i'm such a hopeless romantic. just one more month until i see her again.

Wow

I'm so in love it's not even remotely funny.