Feeling:perturbed
Song:behind blue eyes~limp bizkit
well, me and liza finally talked today. i was hanging out at josh and casey's when my cell phone rang, and it was her. we talked for close to an hour, but the whole mood of the conversation felt completely different from what it's normally been. once again, it's a part of that whole distancing thing. not once during the whole time did she say "i miss you," or "i love you." i mean, i didn't say it either, but it just didn't feel right, and i didn't want her to think that i was still as attached as much as i am. everytime she said "justin," in that whispery voice she always uses, i kept expecting her to say "i miss you," but nothing came. It was always a comment about something else, like how she's trying to get a work visa to come to the states this summer, or what Dude (her dog) was doing at that moment. the conversation on the whole just seemed lackluster- my heart wasn't completely in it, and i'm scared to think about what that means. When she said bye, all she said was, "i don't have anything else to say, so i'm gonna go." all i could say was "bye," and then she hung up, but i didn't hear the click, so i held the phone to my ear, waiting for her to say, "justin, you didn't say you love me!" but nothing.
of course, just toward the end of the conversation, we were talking about india, and she mentioned how all her friends would like to go to india, and i said, "once they're there, they're not going to like it." maybe it was a stupid thing to say, seeing as how i've only been there with my family, but just the fact that she replied by saying "you're forgetting where you're coming from," or "you're just like all those other indian kids that don't care for their roots." well, there's really nothing i can do about that. I tried hanging out with indians in high school, but they didn't care for me, probably cuz i am Catholic, as stupid a reason as that is. I'm sorry that i can't be like Liza, where i get to go to some stupid ass indian conference every summer. just because i don't hang around indians doesn't mean i'm proud of my heritage- i just haven't had as many opportunities as her to get involved with it.
needless to say, i'm a little angry right now. i don't know what the hell is going on. and to top things off, kyle told us that the girl he was going to ask out tomorrow had a boyfriend. i felt terrible about it, because he seemed so depressed, like he was just giving up on even trying to talk to girls anymore. all i could do was throw out stupid cliches, and it made me feel even worse that i had nothing original to say. more than anything i hope he (and andy) do better in the future.
andy said he cried for the first time in 3 years, which caught me totally off guard. No job, no money, no girl, no friends at home will do that to you. we're all going to hang out this saturday, even though we are going to windsor. hopefully kyle can hang out too.
i have nothing else to say. i feel like all my emotions are completely gone, and that i'm just devoid of any feeling. good night.
Song:behind blue eyes~limp bizkit
well, me and liza finally talked today. i was hanging out at josh and casey's when my cell phone rang, and it was her. we talked for close to an hour, but the whole mood of the conversation felt completely different from what it's normally been. once again, it's a part of that whole distancing thing. not once during the whole time did she say "i miss you," or "i love you." i mean, i didn't say it either, but it just didn't feel right, and i didn't want her to think that i was still as attached as much as i am. everytime she said "justin," in that whispery voice she always uses, i kept expecting her to say "i miss you," but nothing came. It was always a comment about something else, like how she's trying to get a work visa to come to the states this summer, or what Dude (her dog) was doing at that moment. the conversation on the whole just seemed lackluster- my heart wasn't completely in it, and i'm scared to think about what that means. When she said bye, all she said was, "i don't have anything else to say, so i'm gonna go." all i could say was "bye," and then she hung up, but i didn't hear the click, so i held the phone to my ear, waiting for her to say, "justin, you didn't say you love me!" but nothing.
of course, just toward the end of the conversation, we were talking about india, and she mentioned how all her friends would like to go to india, and i said, "once they're there, they're not going to like it." maybe it was a stupid thing to say, seeing as how i've only been there with my family, but just the fact that she replied by saying "you're forgetting where you're coming from," or "you're just like all those other indian kids that don't care for their roots." well, there's really nothing i can do about that. I tried hanging out with indians in high school, but they didn't care for me, probably cuz i am Catholic, as stupid a reason as that is. I'm sorry that i can't be like Liza, where i get to go to some stupid ass indian conference every summer. just because i don't hang around indians doesn't mean i'm proud of my heritage- i just haven't had as many opportunities as her to get involved with it.
needless to say, i'm a little angry right now. i don't know what the hell is going on. and to top things off, kyle told us that the girl he was going to ask out tomorrow had a boyfriend. i felt terrible about it, because he seemed so depressed, like he was just giving up on even trying to talk to girls anymore. all i could do was throw out stupid cliches, and it made me feel even worse that i had nothing original to say. more than anything i hope he (and andy) do better in the future.
andy said he cried for the first time in 3 years, which caught me totally off guard. No job, no money, no girl, no friends at home will do that to you. we're all going to hang out this saturday, even though we are going to windsor. hopefully kyle can hang out too.
i have nothing else to say. i feel like all my emotions are completely gone, and that i'm just devoid of any feeling. good night.
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