Mood: incredibly terribly depressed
Song:complete silence
she didn't say "i love you" once today. i knew something wasn't right. we talked online for a little while, and toward the end she told me about how she told her mom about what my mom said about their family. in an instant i went from enjoying trix in the bowl she gave me to shoving the bowl away and feeling incredibly sick. i couldn't believe she told her mom- i didn't learn the full story as to why, but it's gotta be some story. i feel terrible now, like almost as bad as on december 29.
pretty much, i made her mom cry, and that really put me in this mood. and then she said that "it's ok" and i shouldn't feel horrible. why the hell not? My asshole of a mom, who thinks she's the fuckin queen of england, thinks she can say anything about anyone, says that kind of shit about the family of the one girl i've ever loved, and all i can do is sit there and listen to it when inside i want to reach over the table and choke her? GOD!
i would cry if will weren't here, so i'm keeping it inside. to me it seems like liza's doubting our relationship, and that would be a ridiculously huge blow to me. just typing that makes me want to lie down and sob to myself. i text messaged her a couple times today and said i loved her, but i didn't get anything. i talked to her on the phone twice and it just felt different, like there was a different aura about the two of us talking. when we talked online, i told her i loved her quite a few times, and that i missed her, and i didn't get anything back. it makes me feel even worse just reflecting on it.
Jstealth03: you need to know that i love you more than anything, and nothing and no one will ever change that
Jstealth03: you tell your mom i said that-nothing is going to change between you and me as long as i can help it
ElizaT25: k
ElizaT25: i should really go to bed now
Jstealth03: alright
ElizaT25: goodnite
Jstealth03: good nite
that's how it ended, with a good nite. i'm going to have the worst sleep of my life tonite.
Song:complete silence
she didn't say "i love you" once today. i knew something wasn't right. we talked online for a little while, and toward the end she told me about how she told her mom about what my mom said about their family. in an instant i went from enjoying trix in the bowl she gave me to shoving the bowl away and feeling incredibly sick. i couldn't believe she told her mom- i didn't learn the full story as to why, but it's gotta be some story. i feel terrible now, like almost as bad as on december 29.
pretty much, i made her mom cry, and that really put me in this mood. and then she said that "it's ok" and i shouldn't feel horrible. why the hell not? My asshole of a mom, who thinks she's the fuckin queen of england, thinks she can say anything about anyone, says that kind of shit about the family of the one girl i've ever loved, and all i can do is sit there and listen to it when inside i want to reach over the table and choke her? GOD!
i would cry if will weren't here, so i'm keeping it inside. to me it seems like liza's doubting our relationship, and that would be a ridiculously huge blow to me. just typing that makes me want to lie down and sob to myself. i text messaged her a couple times today and said i loved her, but i didn't get anything. i talked to her on the phone twice and it just felt different, like there was a different aura about the two of us talking. when we talked online, i told her i loved her quite a few times, and that i missed her, and i didn't get anything back. it makes me feel even worse just reflecting on it.
Jstealth03: you need to know that i love you more than anything, and nothing and no one will ever change that
Jstealth03: you tell your mom i said that-nothing is going to change between you and me as long as i can help it
ElizaT25: k
ElizaT25: i should really go to bed now
Jstealth03: alright
ElizaT25: goodnite
Jstealth03: good nite
that's how it ended, with a good nite. i'm going to have the worst sleep of my life tonite.
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