today just seemed like a really depressing day. From the time I woke up til now (1218am), I have felt nothing but sadness. Well, a little bit happiness when the lions won. It was a combination of things, but mostly because of liza being gone and me not being able to see her for another two months.
But about that now. When paul told me he just thought it would be better if me and liza were just friends, I felt like I had been shot. I couldn’t believe he was telling me to end a relationship which I thought was going great. I know I’m not going to do it, but I wonder about what liza’s gonna think when he tells her, if he tells her. So I guess I don’t really know if she’s going to come for her spring break, as much as I want her to Plus, I don’t think I made the biggest impression on her sister or mom. They were both really nice, but for some reason I felt like their thoughts of me weren’t going to be all too positive. I worry about that a little bit.
When I was at kenneth’s grandparents’ 50th anniversary party last nite, liza’s mom showed up, and I got excited, wondering if liza was going to come too. But then I found out that she, grace, and susan had gone to the mall. That made me a depressed, and for most of the party I felt like crap, like tired all of a sudden. I just spent time fiddling around with the necklace that liza gave me, the necklace that didn’t match anything I was wearing, the necklace I’ll always wear because it’s the only thing that makes me feel like she’s in my arms again. Oddly enough, the first time I went to touch the necklace, the phone rang-it was grace, but I knew it had to be liza. I made my way to the exit and talked to her for a little bit. She wondered what time I’d be getting out of there at, because she wanted to hang out some more, and so did I, but it was just so inconvenient. I would have had to drive an hour back home, get my car, then drive another hour to grace’s house in troy. I felt really bad, knowing that the girl I thought I had said bye to for another two months was only an hour away and I was stuck at this stupid party filled mostly with people I didn’t favor too much. It comforted me to hear her voice again, but when we said bye and I kissed her over the phone and she hung up before she could hear the kiss (I guess), that slight bit of happiness was replaced by a heavy heart, and I just walked back to my table and was pretty quiet the rest of the night.
The only times I wasn’t quiet was when I was talking to liza’s mom. I see so much of liza in her mom, and the other way around, so it was a bit more comforting seeing at least her there. One time she asked me how I liked her cookies, and I thought she said “how did you like my kids?” I said, “I really liked them,” and then she replied by calling me a liar- at first I was confused but then she added, “you never tried them.” Then I thought, oh great, now she thinks I’m a liar, in her eyes I’m not good enough for anyone, let alone her baby daughter. When we left the party, we just hugged and said goodbye, and that just solidified that I wouldn’t see any of them again for more than a while.
I woke up this morning, incredibly depressed, but still incredibly thankful that I was able to see liza for three days. I went to brush my teeth, and just stared at the necklace in the mirror, and just imagined I was back on the couch at jason’s house with her, just relaxing. I went downstairs around 1130, had my bowl of cereal and banana, and just sat around the house for a bit, tired, sad, and lonely. I played football outside with brian for a little bit, carrying my cell phone with me, just waiting to feel it vibrate, for any kind of text message from her, to let me know she was doing fine, or tat she missed me. The two times she’s been here I’ve always gone through extreme withdrawl, but it’s obviously for good reason. I came back in the house, went downstairs, and worked out, then went upstairs, did my situps, then jumped in the shower to try and clear my thoughts, but couldn’t. I mean, it’s now 1245am and I should be asleep, but by typing all this I feel a little better. What I would give just to see her face again.
We went to a few stores later in the day, and I text messaged her to see what she was up to, but never got a response. That was a little saddening. I was going to buy the finding nemo dvd because it reminded me of her, but decided not to for the very same reason.
I need to keep myself occupied so I don’t think of her too often, but it’s going to be really hard. I hope paul didn’t say anything that would change her mind. I’ve come to the realization that I need liza to keep myself sane. Without her I’m just a boring, shy guy with nothing better to do than type in his journal(s) all the time. But with her I’m all of that plus complete.
But about that now. When paul told me he just thought it would be better if me and liza were just friends, I felt like I had been shot. I couldn’t believe he was telling me to end a relationship which I thought was going great. I know I’m not going to do it, but I wonder about what liza’s gonna think when he tells her, if he tells her. So I guess I don’t really know if she’s going to come for her spring break, as much as I want her to Plus, I don’t think I made the biggest impression on her sister or mom. They were both really nice, but for some reason I felt like their thoughts of me weren’t going to be all too positive. I worry about that a little bit.
When I was at kenneth’s grandparents’ 50th anniversary party last nite, liza’s mom showed up, and I got excited, wondering if liza was going to come too. But then I found out that she, grace, and susan had gone to the mall. That made me a depressed, and for most of the party I felt like crap, like tired all of a sudden. I just spent time fiddling around with the necklace that liza gave me, the necklace that didn’t match anything I was wearing, the necklace I’ll always wear because it’s the only thing that makes me feel like she’s in my arms again. Oddly enough, the first time I went to touch the necklace, the phone rang-it was grace, but I knew it had to be liza. I made my way to the exit and talked to her for a little bit. She wondered what time I’d be getting out of there at, because she wanted to hang out some more, and so did I, but it was just so inconvenient. I would have had to drive an hour back home, get my car, then drive another hour to grace’s house in troy. I felt really bad, knowing that the girl I thought I had said bye to for another two months was only an hour away and I was stuck at this stupid party filled mostly with people I didn’t favor too much. It comforted me to hear her voice again, but when we said bye and I kissed her over the phone and she hung up before she could hear the kiss (I guess), that slight bit of happiness was replaced by a heavy heart, and I just walked back to my table and was pretty quiet the rest of the night.
The only times I wasn’t quiet was when I was talking to liza’s mom. I see so much of liza in her mom, and the other way around, so it was a bit more comforting seeing at least her there. One time she asked me how I liked her cookies, and I thought she said “how did you like my kids?” I said, “I really liked them,” and then she replied by calling me a liar- at first I was confused but then she added, “you never tried them.” Then I thought, oh great, now she thinks I’m a liar, in her eyes I’m not good enough for anyone, let alone her baby daughter. When we left the party, we just hugged and said goodbye, and that just solidified that I wouldn’t see any of them again for more than a while.
I woke up this morning, incredibly depressed, but still incredibly thankful that I was able to see liza for three days. I went to brush my teeth, and just stared at the necklace in the mirror, and just imagined I was back on the couch at jason’s house with her, just relaxing. I went downstairs around 1130, had my bowl of cereal and banana, and just sat around the house for a bit, tired, sad, and lonely. I played football outside with brian for a little bit, carrying my cell phone with me, just waiting to feel it vibrate, for any kind of text message from her, to let me know she was doing fine, or tat she missed me. The two times she’s been here I’ve always gone through extreme withdrawl, but it’s obviously for good reason. I came back in the house, went downstairs, and worked out, then went upstairs, did my situps, then jumped in the shower to try and clear my thoughts, but couldn’t. I mean, it’s now 1245am and I should be asleep, but by typing all this I feel a little better. What I would give just to see her face again.
We went to a few stores later in the day, and I text messaged her to see what she was up to, but never got a response. That was a little saddening. I was going to buy the finding nemo dvd because it reminded me of her, but decided not to for the very same reason.
I need to keep myself occupied so I don’t think of her too often, but it’s going to be really hard. I hope paul didn’t say anything that would change her mind. I’ve come to the realization that I need liza to keep myself sane. Without her I’m just a boring, shy guy with nothing better to do than type in his journal(s) all the time. But with her I’m all of that plus complete.
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